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A Letter to 35-Year-Old Me (2020)

“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”

Bill Gates (1955 – )

Dear 2030 Chris,

This is 2020 Chris and right now I’m 25 years old going on 26. I’m writing this letter for a few different reasons.

1) I’m writing a blog post every week and the other one I’m working on is taking too long, so I’m writing this to publish in its place.

2) I wrote A Letter to my High School Self a little while ago and I thought it would be fun to write a letter to my future self.

3) I know how intensely and harshly we can judge our past selves for making idiotic calls and I want to make it perfectly clear that 25-year-old Chris is trying as hard as he possibly can.

4) I want to provide a list of hopes I have for us and you can let me know if they happen.

First off, I just want to say that I hope I’ve made you proud and we are enjoying the life we are working so desperately hard to get. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I’m finally doing things on purpose. I think it’s because I’ve been around long enough to see the consequences of my actions play out over the medium-long term. I feel like I finally understand the importance and value in delaying gratification, working diligently and consistently, focusing on skills and learning, and dedicating my energy to myself and my own work. At 25 I started taking myself seriously and began working on what I hope to be our life’s work. I’ve finally dedicated myself to making our past selves proud as opposed to other people.

18 to 24-year-old Chris would have definitely let down 12-year-old Chris, but 25-year-old Chris would have blown him away. My thriving relationship (that other people are openly jealous of), my music portfolio, my writing, investment portfolio, and my tech collection are all something 12-year-old Chris would have been way too excited to have and they’re all things that help me feel like I’m doing what I’m meant to. That being said, I hope you are still making 12-year-old Chris proud, not because the 12-year-old version of us is our God, but because staying true to ourselves is what will give us the deepest life satisfaction.

Right now I feel like I’m doing everything I can to make our life as full and beautiful as humanly possible, but I also feel like I’m spending much of our valuable time cleaning up the mess of not only the carelessness of 18-24-year-old Chris but also the carelessness of others. I hope this doesn’t prove to be detrimental. In some ways, I hope I learn to be easier on myself without sacrificing everything that our life could be. I know there’s no way of knowing if that’s the case, but I want you to know that I’m trying really hard. Other people can see it too. Some people think we have it all figured out and our life will be an effortlessly beautiful story, but all versions of ourselves know that the challenges we deal with privately are more than adequate payment for all the blessings and gifts we receive. I know we don’t see past versions of ourselves as wise or intentional and I’ve learned the futility in setting up life timelines, things never go as planned. (That was made glaringly clear during the COVID-19 pandemic, which is still going on as I’m writing this.) However, 35-year-old Chris I want you to be proud of who I am now, who you were then, because he is a beauitful and special person who is trying to make the world a better place for himself, his future family, and his community. I’m not sure what things are like 10 years from now, but I hope we stay strong, happy, and healthy.

I know creating timelines for life can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering, but I still think it’s fun to project my hopes in the future. After all, we do need to know where we’re going.

I hope we have a beautiful home. Trust me, you are busting your ass to get that. If you have it, please don’t take it for granted man. If you don’t, I hope there’s a good reason for it.

I hope we have a loving family of our own. Bro, you are working just as hard, if not harder, to get this. Right now, it seems like I’m on the right track for it. I hope we don’t mess that up or fortune doesn’t decide to give me a bad hand. I’m not sure how things will change, but I’m planning on being the best father in the whole fucking world and I will bring my level of intentionally, intelligence, and intensity to that.

I hope we have finished at least 1 book and sold a few copies. We don’t need to be an NYT bestseller or anything, we just need to honestly change the life of at least 1 person. If the books aren’t written, you NEED to get back to it. Literally nothing is more important than our works, but I’m sure you know this. If it’s written but aren’t successful, push it. What you have to say is life-changing and worth the attention of others. If everything has worked out as we planned, then I hope you are enjoying it wholeheartedly. I would be very happy if we finished the 2 books I’m working on right now. What would really impress me is if we were writing our 3rd book, but I don’t even know what that would be about right now. I’m just throwing things out there. I’d also be impressed if we kept up doing a blog post a week for this long. I’m sure this can go without saying, but I hope you’re still reading too. Reading has been the #1 best decision I made in my life so far.

I hope we are still making music and people are still responding to it positively! Making music gives us vitality and allows us to connect with others in a unique way. I’d love to hear how good I get at making music with another 10 years under my belt. Our music is a really great thing we got going, it brings so much happiness to ourselves and other people. It would be a huge disservice to stop.

I hope you’re happy and fulfilled. I know that isn’t the meaning of life, but I hope you are anyway. I know high school Chris would have wanted 25-year-old Chris to feel weightless and unstoppable, but I can’t hold up that part of the deal. I’m definitely on the way and I’m doing what I can to make that happen, it’s just things are harder than I expect. But I guess that’s life. I hope we get better at this game with another 10 years of experience.

Finally, I just want to say that if some crazy turn of events happens I want you to know that all you need to find what you are looking for in within you already. I’ve just started meditating and the experience of being with myself can be comforting and warm. If you ever feel alone, know that you are a great company for yourself. I don’t mean that in a cocky way, I mean it seriously. Being alone can be hard, but being alone with ourselves can be enough.

I wish you the best and I hope you’re doing well,

Christopher S. Mukiibi, 2020

By Chris

During the day, I’m a tutor and EMT.
In the evenings, I like to blog and produce music.